A Loving Story (as told by Maureen)

Picture this from more than fifty years ago:

    Our car is parked across the street from the school. I am sitting in the driver's seat and Mother is beside me. Three-year-old Billy is standing on the back seat and leaning on the back of my seat. Five-year-old Kathleen is beside him.

    We are waiting for seven-year-old Mary to get out of school. As we sit watching, a little girl with long blonde hair comes skipping out. "Here she comes," says my mother.

    "No, that can't be her. She doesn't have a dress like that," say I.

    Another little girl comes skipping out.  "There she is!" says Mother.

    "No," I say.  "I didn't braid her hair today."

    Forgetting what she had worn to school that day, I recognize a dress on the next skipping blond girl.  "That's her," I say.

    This time it is Mother's turn.  "That can't be Mary.  I ironed that dress today."

    After two or three more skipping rejects, that sweet little boy reaches forward and brushes my cheek with his little fingers.  "Don't worry, Mommy," he says.  "We'll know her by her face."

    Now, whenever I think of Billy, I remember the Benediction:

    "May The Lord bless you and keep you.  May The Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious unto you.  May The Lord lift up his countenance and give you peace."

MARRIAGE

    Up until the moment you say "I do" your life is pretty much predetermined for you.  But once you agree to share that life with someone else, it really gets interesting!

    I started to write about this major step into the unknown about a week ago; but I've rethought the whole subject over and over.  A week ago (June 28) marked the 62nd anniversary of my first wedding day.  My last posting concerned learning from life's lessons.  Well, I didn't realize it at the time; but my first marriage was a two-decade long major lesson!  I hadn't even internalized the lesson until just now as I reviewed the whole experience in my mind, contrasting it with the experience of my second marriage (which is still enduring after four decades).

    Sixty-two years ago I had just turned twenty and needed a note from my mommy (my daddy was in Korea) to be allowed to marry a girl who had just turned twenty-one and didn't need a note.  Both of us were too young, but we wouldn't listen to our elders' advice on the subject.  Besides, in those days young people didn't just "hook-up" for a few months when they felt the urge of primitive drives.  Easy-to-use contraceptives were not available nor were the ones out there available to unmarried couples except through clandestine sources.  Plus, cultural and religious pressures to remain celibate until marriage were much stronger then.

    Most of the mistakes I made in that marriage were traceable to my being self centered.  And most of her mistakes were made because of her desire to control her environment and to control her husband.  Add to that the inability of either partner to communicate clearly and consistently with the other; and you have the "perfect storm" to capsize the ship of marital bliss.

    For the purpose of this particular blog, let's talk about being self-centered.  All of us have this problem from the time we are born--when it is necessary to survival to call attention to our needs in a very aggressive manner.  To live life well, however, it requires us to look outside ourselves to find ways to serve others without demanding some sort of "payment" to ourselves.  To serve others any other way is to become a manipulator of other people for our own self-gratification.

    As applied to marriage, therefore, both partners must want to please the other in every way--not just sexually.  It is impossible to do this unless a pattern of communication (verbal and nonverbal) is established.  More about communicating in the next blog.  Even with good communication there will be times when one or both partners is not pleased with how things are going.  That's when another trait is indispensable: patience.  Patience is not a trait that is learned so much as it is practiced.  It is practiced by willfully doing it every time you want to just "blow up."

    Another willful action that must be learned and practiced is forgiveness.  Forgiveness is not easy, because it requires sincerity to be genuine forgiveness.  Forgiveness also requires another "for"--forgetting.  If you say you forgive someone but you don't forget what you forgave, it is not true forgiveness!

    Back to the beginning: to enter into an agreement with another to live your life together requires a special kind of commitment.  The way my present wife and I like to explain it is that you should first become "best friends."  That means that you like to be with each other, to talk to each other, to do things (other than sex) together long before you cuddle up in bed together.  Then you talk about how you view God, the world, and even just the chores around the house.  If you seem to be "on the same page" with all of that, then you might just consider the possibility of a long life together.

LEARNING LIFE'S LESSONS

Learning is something everyone does whether or not they consciously set out to learn. Our brains are always looking for new information.  No matter how much you may learn, however, you'll never know everything there is to know--and it is certainly not a good idea to think that you have!

There are basically two types of knowledge:  (1) knowledge of facts and skills and (2) something called "wisdom."  All learning of facts and skills is done in three ways or a combination of these ways.  There is auditory learning that takes place when you hear something.  There is visual learning that takes place when you see something or read something.  The third and most permanent form of learning is when you do something or experience something through actually touching or manipulating things in your environment.

Wisdom is achieved internally or spiritually.  You might learn that a knife is sharp.  You can learn this fact by hearing about it, seeing it demonstrated, or by actually cutting yourself.  You still do not have wisdom until you begin to behave in a cautious manner when handling a knife.

Factual learning can be achieved by formal learning or by experience.  Formal learning is important; but it is not the method by which you will learn most or best.  Life is a lesson.  What other purpose do you suppose living has?  If you accept that there is a Supreme Being or consciousness behind all reality, then what is the point of this life?  Gaining Wisdom and understanding is the purpose.  Those who do not grasp this are doomed to a very frustrating and unhappy existence.  They spend all their energy attempting to gratify their appetites and desires. Life's lessons can be very painful; but they can also be quite pleasurable.  Wisdom is gained when your behavior is modified in such a way that you are a blessing to yourself and to others.

You can wait until you experience pain or other traumatic experiences; or you can take a shortcut to wisdom.  I believe the central teaching of Jesus was lost to mis-interpretation by later church organizers who were more concerned with obtaining personal power over others.  His central teaching was that each of us has the ability to obtain wisdom directly from something He called "the Holy Spirit."  Each of us can tune out the "babble" that goes on inside our heads and become silent "...and know that I Am God."  I cannot teach you how to do this; but is worth striving to do it, because the vast knowledge and wisdom is out there and available to you for the asking.  Many people call this "intuition" or "inspiration."  My point to all of you is that this is real, so don't scoff or turn your back on the possibility.  "Seek and ye shall find."

QUESTIONS I HAVE ONLY PARTIALLY SUCCEEDED IN ANSWERING

 Who? What? Where? Why? When? Those are the questions every good newspaper article is supposed to answer. The answers about myself and about my fellow humans are given here to the extent I can give those answers.

 Who am I? Well, in this current life I am Raymond Lewis Haggard (born May 2, 1932, in Needles, CA), father to two children, husband to their mother, Dolores Brigham, and then husband to my second wife, Maureen McNelly Doyle. I say my current life because I have become convinced by extensive evidence that reincarnation is a fact of our existence. We exist as conscious, spiritual entities separate from our physical bodies. I know this for certain because I left my body for a short time when I was knocked unconscious in a motor scooter accident in 1957, looking down at my inert body from a few feet above. I later read about several other similar incidents experienced by many other people.

 Where are we? We know for sure what city we are in, what state we live in, and what country that state is a part of. We also know we are on a planet called Earth, which is part of a solar system, where this planet orbits around a minor star at the edge of the Milky Way Galaxy in a Universe which contains billions of such galaxies! Earth is a globe which is eight thousand miles in diameter and takes one year to orbit the star (Sun) that is ninety-three million miles away. If that isn't enough to boggle your mind, consider this: The nearest star in our galaxy is four light years (distance light travels in four years at 186,000 miles per second) away from our Sun. The last part of this knowledge has been available to us humans for only a few hundred years.

 When am I writing this post? It is now the middle of the year 2014 (82 years since I started this lifetime). I am old enough now to know that my opinions and philosophies do not fit in with other people's; nor do I expect them to. I simply put them forth in the next couple of paragraphs to help my progeny better understand me.

 What is this universe? How did it come to be? How did we come to be? Many people still believe that the Bible, specifically a book in the Bible (which contains 66 separate books), namely, Genesis, contains all we need to know about all that. I do not believe any book in the Bible was written by anyone but inspired men who wrote from ancient perspectives. At the time that Genesis was written it was believed that Earth was the center of everything; and the sky was an inverted bowl over the earth upon which various "lights" circled the earth from horizon to horizon. God was viewed as simply a very powerful being. Even though I reject this simplistic view of God, I do not reject the idea that whatever created this universe and us did so in ways that are infinitely more complex than even modern man can fathom. This Creator is a spirit (invisible in the physical world) which has consciousness and whose essence is eternal all-pervasive Love.

 What, then, is our essence in this universe? We are also spirit beings whose purpose is to unify with the creative Spirit that originally brought us into existence. In order to accomplish this purpose we must first manifest in the physical universe. This physical existence is only an illusion in which we pass through a series of "ego-centered" lifetimes to tune our consciousness to the Creator's consciousness--also known as the "Holy Spirit" or "Christ-Consciousness". Prayer and meditation are key to reaching the "Kingdom of Heaven," which you will find that Jesus taught is "within you." He also taught, "Seek ye first the Kingdom of Heaven; and all these things shall be added to you." And, finally, I definitely do not believe in a Supreme Being who sentences all but a very select few to eternal fiery punishment. This terrible idea originated with ego-centered humans who used various versions of dogma-centered religion to gain power over the masses. Humans create their own personal "hell" by their own ego (self-gratifying) behavior.

 Unfortunately, one lifetime is usually not enough to "get it right." That is why we have reincarnation.

FEAR NOT!

Fear is the primary emotion that prevents people from achieving the best things in life.  I can't remember how many times I was plagued by fear: asking for the first kiss; trying out for the school play; asking the girlfriend to marry me; reporting for duty in the Air Force; applying for a job; etc., etc.  Fear cannot be avoided--only overcome.

One of the main fears that keeps coming up over and over is the fear of failure.  The way to overcome this fear is to ask yourself, "What is the worst that can happen?"  Will you be killed?  Will you be stripped naked?  On the other hand, you just might be successful in whatever it is you fear doing.

The most dependable way to overcome fear is to ask your Creator for assistance in facing the fear.  More about this "Creator" in my next post.

REFLECTION #2

For every moment identified as "now" a person must "respond"--even if that "response" is being mentally indifferent or "bored."  It is interesting to note that the combination of "response" and "ability" becomes "responsibility"--which means a consistent ability to "do the right thing" in response to life events or challenges (or even self-initiated goals and objectives).  For every response there are always "consequences"--sequences of happenings that go with ("con") that response.  And that, my children, is what you must figure out in order to live a happy, rewarding life!  You will not always do it right; and you will not always "mess up."  Nobody can do it for you--and there is no way to avoid your own "responsibility"!

RAY'S RANDOM REFLECTIONS

This blog is going to be a continuing work in progress and is intended primarily for my descendants to read from time to time if they have any interest in what I learned about life and living during the seventy-five years that I can remember.  I was born in 1932, but my memories do not extend much past 1938.  I will not spend much time in recounting these experiences; but I will try to distill the lessons I learned in brief "capsules" of reflection.

definition: "Reflection" is the act of holding up the mirror of Truth to the experiences of life.

NOW

"Now" is the most important focal point of your life.

But "now" is very elusive; for the moment you focus on "now", it becomes "then"!

Also, while planning the future, "now" happens.

As you become older, this fact of living becomes clearer.

Don't miss the most important experiences of your life while dwelling in "then"--past and future.